I don't wanna be the DID (Damsel In Distress). I prefer to be Hercules.

English presentation over~ yes!!
Personally I don't give a heck whether I do well on in or not.. but this time it's group presentation. I'd rather die than to be the one that drag my group down. Funny that the reason I lost my confidence in English is that I'm scared that I might speak too fluent at it and no one gets what I'm trying to say. But that's how things go here. I really wish I could be of more use to them. I don't like the me that's weak and useless. I'm happier helping people than to be at the receiving end.

I think I only realised that after I come here and, for the first time in my life, felt so insignificant. I don't like the fact that whether I'm in class or not doesn't even affect a single person. Maybe I got too used to ppktj's classes where there's only 20 people per class and almost everyone affects someone.

I never realised that language barrier was such a big problem... or maybe this isn't a language barrier problem and its just my personality problem.. I'm trying so desperately to be of some use to them.

Anyway lately many good things seemed to have happened. Firstly on Sunday, my english group (Ootani, Miwa, Shigeru, Maeda) finally got together for the first time to prepare for the news presentation today. At the end of the day, we went to Coco Ichi Curry House where Ootani chia us 4000yen  rm160(originally 8000yen but Miwa works there so its half-priced) worth of food. To me its such a big deal to just have a normal meal with them cause the gals and guys in my school don't normally mix. I have yet to see a gang that has a mix of both guys and gals in it at my school.

And then yesterday after class we got together again for practise one last time. This time only me, Ootani and Shigeru went to a ramen shop for dinner where Ootani treated me again. (Yes, all the good things are food related). Maybe its because there's like only 2 gals in the class, most of the guys are really kind to me. This english group presentation is one damn good example. When we were to form groups, Ootani them automatically asked me if I'd like to join theirs or not while I was worried sick which group to join cause sad but true, I still don't have a gang I can go naturally to. Oya.. both Shigeru and Ootani are very sweet in that they often ask me stuff  that begins with 'In Malaysia is there....?' in an attempt to include me in their conversation. I can't help it that I have no common topics to talk with guys. With jap gals, I can still gossip with them at ease... but guys... I really dunno wat to say.

Haha.. this is turning out to be a funny blog but seriously, if I was to keep a diary, the whole book would consist of 'today i've spoken to hashimoto' or 'lately it seems that i haven't talked much with shirasawa'. My classmates mean that much to me.

And I got invited to my second 飲み会 (sort of like Malaysia's version of yamcha except its much much much more expensive because they drink beer here). It would be five people including me. Worried -____-. I have total confidence in my conversation skills when i'm talking one-on-one. But with more than 2 people, i'll feel like its a burden for them all to listen to my slow and broken japanese.

Come to think of it, I do think its my personality problem after all. I mean I don't talk much in Japanese cause I know its mostly weird and wrong and I guess for me I prefer to have the 'the-girl-who-don't-talk-much' rather than 'the-girl-that's-bright-but-uncool'. I care too much about my image. I hate to appear trying too hard for something.

Aah well. That's it for today.